Enough

For 21 years I have been looking at the ocean and so far it has not disappointed me.

On the last day of 2016, I am trying to remember its lessons

That nothing is permanent, and heartbreak washes away just like the tides

That there is strength in wildness.

This year like every year was strange and different and lovely and terribly, terribly sad.

This year I lost hope, got my heart broken, forgot how lucky  I am.

This year I found new horizons, rebuilt, remembered what a privilege it is to be alive.

This year I ate tapas in the Mediterannean sunset, drank Cuban espresso and sweet California wine.

This year I ate mac and cheese late at night and cookies straight from the box and just a banana for breakfast.

I learned hard lessons and easy ones,

sobbed until I felt like I had cracked open and sorrow was oozing straight from my chest.

And of course I lived.

I loved.

I was loved.

I discovered more about the world and more importantly,

more about my world,

the vast universe encased in a body.

And just like the ocean, I tossed, turned, traveled.

Sometimes, maybe even often, I felt lost.

But over and over again, I came back to shore.

This wasn’t the best year of my life,

Or the worst.

Really, is there such a thing as a bad year?

365 bad days?

No.

365 days with sweetness and bitterness in equal measure, like dark chocolate.

365 days of forgotten keys, spilled tea, missed phone calls, great movies, long walks,  dances under the moonlight, nestled bodies, dashed hopes, day dreams.

365 days of small miracles and small tragedies.

That is enough.

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