Patient, Casey O’Brien, 19 yo female, DOB 12/19/95
Woman, Casey O’Brien, 19 years young.
Woman, thrill seeker, forest wanderer, theater lover , novel reader, poem writer, movie watcher, hand holder, world traveler, vivid dreamer.
Warrior, never accepted defeat easily, willpower starting to wear thin.
Chronic illness is a worthy adversary and sometimes I wonder if I won’t just bend under its pressure
No dramatic end, just a slow steady surrender.
Xeroxed lab sheets piling up on the desk, appointments crowding my calendar.
A blood pressure cuff packed in my suitcase alongside the sundresses,
A life spent walking florescent-lit hallways leading to too hot waiting rooms, crying babies, snoring old men.
But then I remember
The best soldiers are the ones that know when to retreat,
That backing up isn’t backing down,
And no battle was ever won alone
I am not a one woman army,
And I refuse to be a martyr
That’s when I slip a novel into my purse for the waiting room,
Because my mind isn’t sick,
My mind never will be.
That’s when I think of the future.
I stack hours until they turn into days and months
And I climb them until I reach my destination.
That’s when I remind myself
This too shall pass
Soon I will be back to long nights in the rehearsal room,
Typing essays on quiet Sunday afternoons,
Soon I will be back to laughing with my best friend over nothing at all.
SoonI I will be strong again.
This isn’t a battle lost or won,
This is a war that isn’t over.
This is a war I will win.
I may be armorless, soft hearted, vulnerable, exposed,
Tears burn my eyes red.
But they never close,
For I am aware,
I am ready,
I am watching.
I am determined.
Deep in my core is a fire that burns ever brighter
And with this,
I am forging a future in shining colors.